The tension of vulnerability and strength.
This year marks year ten of teaching for me. In the scheme of things, ten years is nothing. I have worked and currently work with many teachers who far surpass my ten years. I admire their resiliency and the impact they have.
I wonder if they ever considered doing something else, though. I wonder if they ever thought about quitting. I have many times. One of my clearest memories of wanting to quit teaching was about five years ago. I distinctly recall scouring the internet for park ranger jobs in Oregon.
However, that was five years ago, and much has taken place since that time. If I had quit then, I would have missed out on some of the richest relationships and some of the most rewarding experiences of my teaching career. I would have missed out on God redeeming some of my most challenging and darkest experiences. This blog would very likely not be in existence today if I had quit back then.
Regardless of my reasons for wanting to quit teaching, the larger reality is that teaching has long held a tension for me. It's a tension that holds my greatest insecurities and my greatest gifts. In teaching, I can so clearly see my need for grace while simultaneously and paradoxically, I can see how God is using some of my greatest strengths and gifts through my profession.
This is not a comfortable place to be.
In 2 Corinthians, Paul recounts his own trials that led to him pleading with God to remove a thorn in his flesh. A thorn that he fully admits was given to him so that he would not exalt himself; in other words, Paul experienced great weakness so that he would not think more of himself than he ought to. God responds to Paul's pleading with the words, "'My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is perfected in weakness’” (2 Cor. 12:9). Paul determines that he will boast in his weaknesses so that Christ’s power will rest all the more in him (2 Cor. 12:10).
Paul was not in a comfortable place, either.
Paul's story makes me think that we all have something that meets us in our place of deepest vulnerability and insecurity. I am far from having all the answers, but what I have learned in my own weakness is that it is there that I tend to meet God more fully. In my insecurities, God shows me who I truly am in Him and grows my God-given gifts and talents so that they better glorify and reflect Him.
Where is your tension between vulnerability and strength? Have you been angry at God for putting you in such a position? (Don't worry, I've been there too.) Or are you drawing closer to God and seeking His face in your weaknesses or insecurities? Have you considered how God is growing you through your experiences? (How I need to remember this at times!)
Whatever your experiences and season may be right now, remember that God is transforming, redeeming, and restoring all things. And He most definitely is working through your weakness, that is, after all, where His power is perfected.
