Dealing with loneliness.

“‘…be strong and courageous? 

Do not be afraid or discouraged, 

for the Lord your God 

is with you wherever you go.’” (Joshua 1:9)

The first semester of my freshman year of college was incredibly difficult for me.  I was a young 17-year-old experiencing living away from home for the first time.  Let's just say I learned that homesickness could be a physical thing.

I am and have always been a homebody.  When at all possible, I prefer to spend my time at home and with family.  Living away from family and my "home-base" has always been a difficult thing for me.  And while I can say that I've never had an experience quite like that semester again, I have had to learn how to deal with my homesickness.

Homesickness, loneliness, isolation.  These things are difficult for us humans who operate best in community and with a few trusted relationships in our lives.  Even as an introvert, I have learned the truth of this. 

I have lived thousands of miles and multiple days of flying (not just driving) from home.  From where I currently live to my "home-base," it's a solid full day's drive (I generally take two).  This is not an abnormal reality for much of our society these days.  With the advances in transportation and technology, travel and communication are far easier than they were a hundred years ago, making it possible for individuals to live and work far from their original homes.

Yet, I wonder, have we sacrificed something in all our moving about?  Building a community of trusted loved ones takes time, effort, and energy.  It requires vulnerability and transparency – neither of which is easy, but both are necessary for strong relationships.

Just a couple of weeks ago, I was celebrating the news that my first book was published, and I had the first actual physical copy in my hands.  You can celebrate on your own, but the shared joy of celebration is far more rewarding.  Celebration, I have learned, requires a bit of transparency on my part, though.

I had to open up to new acquaintances, let them into my world a little bit, and trust them with a piece of who I am.  I was terrified, but I let the excitement of sharing override my barriers, and I experienced joy.  Terror was a close second, as I then proceeded to overthink my entire decision to share my success with my new friends.  Would they think I had a big head?  That’s a whole other situation in and of itself.

For a moment, though, I didn't feel lonely or isolated.  I was filled with joy, excitement, and pride in an accomplishment that I could have completed only by the grace of God.

Loneliness and isolation are close cousins, and goodness knows, we have been inundated with the reality of isolation this year.  So how do we deal with it?  How do we handle it in healthy ways?

Honestly, this is a challenge that I still face at times.

Staying busy helps, but sometimes it just masks the deeper issues.  

Sharing joy (or sorrow for that matter) with a trusted person can help because you invite another person into your world for a minute.  

Appreciating the simple joys and looking for the little and big things to be grateful for can help.  Our brain is so wired to look for the negative, stopping to look for the positive can remind us that we are not as alone as we might think.  

Stop and have a heart-to-heart with a trusted one in your life, ask them, "How have I blessed you?"  (This can be ridiculously hard but fabulously rewarding.). And then tell them how they have been a blessing in your life. 

As I stop and consider how I can take my own advice, think about what you can do to transform the next time you’re feeling lonely.